How do I know if a SLP, OT or other professional supporting my child is truly neurodiversity affirming?

As a speech-language pathologist who follows a neurodiversity-affirming and child-led approach, I’ve had countless conversations with parents who just know something feels off in their child’s therapy—but they’re not sure how to explain it. Maybe their child’s joy has disappeared during sessions. Maybe they’ve been asked to stop using their favorite scripts or keep their child away from their most favorite toys/things because they’re “too obsessed”. Maybe they’re wondering why their autistic child is being taught to make eye contact instead of being supported in how they communicate best.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone—and your gut feeling is trying to tell you something important.

So let’s talk about what it means for an SLP (or any therapist) to be neurodiversity-affirming, how you can tell if your child’s current provider fits that model, and what to do if they don’t.

First, What Does “Neurodiversity-Affirming” Actually Mean?

Being neurodiversity-affirming means believing that neurodivergent brains—like those of autistic, ADHD —are not broken, disordered, or in need of “fixing.”

Instead, we see neurological differences as part of the beautiful range of human diversity. We focus on support, not forcing neurotypical standards. We listen to the child’s needs and communication style, rather than trying to make them fit a mold of what’s “socially typical.”

It’s about honoring a child’s authentic self and helping them thrive as who they are.

Signs That Your Child’s SLP Is Neurodiversity-Affirming

Look for these green flags:

✅ They prioritize connection over compliance.
Sessions feel joyful and relationship-based. The therapist follows your child’s lead, joins in their play, and isn’t focused on control or correction.

✅ They embrace all forms of communication.
Echolalia, scripting, AAC, gestures, body language—it’s all communication. And they don’t try to “eliminate” behaviors that are meaningful to your child.

✅ They never use shame, punishment, or “quiet hands.”
If your child is told to stop stimming, forced to make eye contact, or rewarded only for acting “normal,” that’s not affirming. Period.

✅ They respect autonomy and consent.
Your child gets to say “no.” The therapist asks for consent before initiating any kind of physical guidance, redirection, or new activities.

✅ They use strengths-based language.
Instead of “deficits,” they talk about your child’s interests, talents, and unique ways of thinking.

✅ They actively include and listen to you, the parent.
They value your expertise and treat you as a partner—not someone to be “educated” or corrected.

Red Flags That a Provider Might Not Be Affirming

🚩 They focus heavily on eye contact, sitting still, or “quiet mouths.”
These goals prioritize neurotypical behavior, not authentic communication or regulation.

🚩 They refer to autism or ADHD as a “disorder to fix.”
Watch for language like “normal,” “typical,” “fix,” or “overcoming.” These words signal a medical model lens, not a strengths-based one.

🚩 They discourage or ignore special interests or stimming.
Trying to stop a child from flapping, scripting, or talking about their favorite topic can lead to shame and trauma.

🚩 They use outdated or behaviorist methods (like ABA-style token boards or reward systems for ‘good behavior’).
These methods often focus on compliance over connection, and many neurodivergent adults report harm from these practices.

🚩 Your child seems stressed, withdrawn, or disinterested in therapy.
If therapy feels like a battle or your child’s spark is missing, trust that feeling.

What Can You Do If Your Child’s SLP Isn’t Affirming?

This part can feel hard—especially if you’ve built a relationship with the provider or feel like they “mean well.” But here are a few steps you can take:

🧭 Start with a conversation.
Ask questions like:

• “How do you view neurodiversity?”

• “What’s your approach to scripting, AAC, or stimming?”

• “How do you support children in expressing autonomy and consent in sessions?”

Their answers can tell you a lot.

💡 Share resources.
If they seem open, consider sharing neurodiversity-affirming materials, like content from autistic adults, books like Uniquely Human by Barry Prizant, or GLP (Gestalt Language Processing) resources.

👂 Listen to your child.
Watch their body language, energy, and engagement. They are communicating with you—even if it’s not in words.

🌱 Explore other providers.
If needed, seek out SLPs who explicitly identify as neurodiversity-affirming, trauma-informed, or child-led. Trust that you can find someone who aligns with your values.

💪 Know your rights.
In school settings, you can request a different provider through the IEP team process. Outside of school, you can seek second opinions or transfer care. Your child deserves respectful, affirming support.

Final Thoughts: You Are Your Child’s Best Advocate

If you’re questioning whether your child’s therapy is truly affirming, that’s not a sign of failure—it’s a sign that you’re tuned in. You know your child best.

And remember: “Kind” isn’t the same as “safe.” A therapist can be warm and well-intentioned but still be practicing through a lens that doesn’t honor neurodivergent identities.

Your child deserves to be supported, not shaped into someone else’s idea of “acceptable.”

And you deserve to feel empowered in making sure that happens. 💛

Looking for more? Check out resources from autistic advocates like @nigh.functioning.autism, @neurodivergent_lou, and books like “Neurodiversity Affirming Practice in Speech-Language Pathology.”

Let’s keep building a world where neurodivergent kids are seen, heard, and celebrated—exactly as they are.